Wednesday 26 November 2014

Clinically Obese so finally joined the Gym. Virgin Active

So I've finally signed up for a year's membership with my local - or not so local Virgin Active Gym. I'm offically obese. Yes, I need to say that. My doctor has told me it's time to lose weight. I get breathless just walking down the road and sometimes I need to take breaks. Then there are all the embrassing things that come with being obese. Not going there but needless to say it's not fun.

Now it's not so simple to cut down my portions, I tried and okay I'm greedy. I LOVE cake!!! I LOVE Pudding. Understand that and you can understand why my belly hangs below my belt. Now it wouldn't matter if I was a successful Plus -sized clothes designer like Gemma Collins. Nope, I would still shove cream cakes down my gob. But it does because I'm getting more joint pain my thighs rub painfully together and I cannot run for the bus.

I've also tried weight watchers but even though it was simple - I like eating. Yeah, it is what it is.

So I did a tour of gyms as you do when gym are so fucking expensive. Really. I went to Nuffield's but they weren't that welcoming. And more importantly they didn't have a spa. Now when I saw welcoming, it was like they weren't bothered. They were polite but it wasn't like 'let's show you round our facility, what do you want blah blah blah....'. I know they offer free passes but really who cares. They were polite but welcoming and keeness would have been a bit nice. Yeah, just saying.

Then again it was a 'premuim' club however they didn't have a SPA. For the SPA one had to go to their sister club a few miles away. Now the thing is once one is prepared to fork out that cash you start to look for extras. So I wanted a SPA. Anyway I found Virgin Active on the internet and even though it was much futher than Nuffeild the staff where welcoming. They took me round the facility and talked me through the various gym membership options. They are very customer focused.

They also had a SPA. The decor was superb, you can see it was built for social interaction. It was just the decor so it wasn't hostile at all. More important it had a vibrant, cheerful and positive vibe about it. The SPA was amazing. To be fair if Nuffield had a SPA I probably wouldn't have looked around. I just thought for that cash I could look around. Virgin at the time of writing was only about £2.00 cheaper a month.

So I've quit weightwatchers and signed up to Virgin Active for a year. To be fair, I'd probably just end up SPAing most of the time. I used to be member of a gym (which shall remain nameless) a few years ago that had a hot jaccuzi but left because it had damp on the walls in the changing rooms and I was scared of catching something. However it was pretty cheap to join.

So maybe I'll get rid of this double muffin top. Maybe I'll be able to fit into some of my old clothes. I'm so excited at joining. I'll keep you updated. As I go along.

 

Sunday 23 November 2014

Pretend Interview with Gemma Collins.

Savvy business woman and plus sized clothes designer Gemma Collins recently gave an interveiw to heat magazine going on about how she wanted poeple to see the real her, her panick attacks etc. I really felt sorry for her until she diva-ed up in the 'I'm a Celeb', collected her fee and is probably looking to sell her story again. People like Gemma Collins make Katie Price look like a saint. (Nah, I'm kidding.)

The honest truth is that Gemma Collin is a savvy privately educated business woman who knows what she's doing. I'm not sure if this will back fired on her but she need the publicity. Yes, I don't think she needed to do the jungle but it was entertaining all the same. Check out her site here http://www.gemmacollinsofficial.com/

So I was thinking what if we could get a real interview with Gemma?

Gemma Collins recently quit "I A Celeb" on the basis of bad food. For her rider Gemma demanded we get a pizza, chips drenched in mayo and ketchup with a side dish of curry sauce and a double portioned kebab othewise there would be no interview. We were happy to compile even though most of our guests just ask for bottled water, champange and strawberries.

You seem incredilby vunlerable at the moment?

I am. KFC just got shut down and Nandos has threatened to withdrawn their loyalty card from me. I might to start paying. I tell people it's about bullying. That's like a standard answer. People do name call me especially when I cleared out all the donuts and Cornish pasties in Greggs. That was for my builders though. I only like KFC. How can a jungle not have a KFC or Nandos! Note even a bacon buttie.

Gemma Collins


There been a lot of speculation about you leaving TOWIE. Are you?

I'm not unhappy with TOWIE. The problem is the lunch breaks. They are too short for me to get to the chippy and back. They give salad and birdfood Ugh....I need proper food. (Gemma pulls a face of disgust.)

You were very determined to lose weight last time we spoke to you?

(Silence as Gemma smirks, rolls her eyes and reaches for a pizza slice.) Yeah, but that perfume deal fell though, they said I wasn't the image they wanted to project. And they refused to meet my rider of having a double portion of chips with a lamb kebab. They went for some stick insect. (She tells us the person but we are unable to share that with you).

Why is now the right time for you to lose weight?

Gemma Collins, pictured, went to a private school in Essex and comes from an affluent background

I lose weight I might get some endoresments and things other than free Nandos. People on twitter also throw insults at me but I just threaten to sit on them or cyber fart in their faces. Then again I'm not sure about weight loss because I make so much money being a plus sized designer. Have you seen my site. I'm also up for a award. I'm not sure losing weight will be good - I'd just be another stick insect and can't have a Kebab when I want to.

Why did you quit the jungle?

I showed the real me rather than the person they think they know. What sort of places has no chippy, KFC or kebab shop. It was disgusting, criminal get fed better than that. I just crumbled in the jungle.


So what does the future hold for you now?

I've got a few magazine interviews lined up pluse this plus-sized awards. My people reckon I could make more cash being a whinger and fat chick than some bony cow. (Gemma grabs a hand full of chips and shoves it in her mouth.) Yeah...that's my plan and brand. Whinging fat chick. Plus sized designer..Sod being a skinny bitch.

No chickens where harmed in this interview. http://www.gemmacollinsofficial.com/

The case of $95 million, Mel Tucker, Willy Bo-bo and inappropriate sexual conducts on the telephone.

Mel, Mel, Mel. It's tough. Mr Tucker. I discussed this case with someone and it's shame. It's a shame that it came to that. List...